LAUNCHING OUT INTO THE DEEP

Long story short: I sent in my application the next day, was accepted into the first class of UNANIMA interns, and received permission from my community leaders to "go for it." Before accepting, I took the decision to prayer once more, but there was never any real doubt in my mind that this was the will of God for me at this time. It felt so RIGHT...a gift from God. In fact, I think there has never been a decision that was so clear for me...it exactly matched by "ideal job" specifications, and I felt a great sense of peace about it.

There was only one cloud on the horizon--I will have to live in New York City for four months. Now, I love the vitality and cultural diversity of New York. I've been there several times and loved visiting museums, sightseeing, and doing the "touristy" things, but I was always glad to leave. Let's face it, I'm a small town girl of the open spaces. Moving to Kentucky to join the convent was bad enough--all those trees blocked my view, and the colorful "bones of the Earth" that you can see so well in New Mexico were covered by grass back here. But there's always Central Park, and the place I will be living (a convent on the upper West Side) is not far from there.

There will be two of us pioneering these internship positions, a Brigidine sister from Australia and I, and our first day will be an orientation on January 15. My fellow intern and I will commute by subway or bus to the UNANIMA office on 43rd Street, near the United Nations building. When friends ask, "but what will you DO?" I have to admit I don't know, except that I will be working in support of the UNANIMA mission, which is to "work at the United Nations on behalf of women and children in conditions of poverty; immigrants and refugees; and the welfare of the planet." Watch this blog for further details! Next time you hear from me will be from New York, "the Good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise."

I WAS LOST BUT I GOT FOUND

So I decided that I probably would not find my dream job, and became resigned to finding something--anything--that would contribute to the mission of our community, and would bring in a salary to help support our retired sisters. Bring it on! I searched the internet, looked at job postings online, scanned the want ads in the paper, and even went to a local job fair...where my spirits sank lower and lower as I cruised the tables (noticing all the much younger faces and stronger backs that were cruising with me). And I didn't see anything that really appealed to me, though I did ask at the Sheriff's table if he needed a member of a posse who could ride a horse.

A day or two later, Sister Sharon, our community leader, forwarded an announcement sent to her by another of our sisters, who had enclosed a note saying "this sounds like Michele." It was an announcement about the availability of paid internships with UNANIMA, an NGO (non-governmental organization) that works in New York City with the United Nations on global justice issues, especially those involving women and children. UNANIMA is composed of 19 communities of women religious, including our community, the Ursuline Sisters of Mount Saint Joseph. In the past they have focused on issues such as human trafficking, but recently have added an en emphasis on Earth issues, including (get this--chill down the spine!) global water issues and climate change.

I perked up at the keywords: women and children, Earth, water, climate change. As I sat there with the information in my hand, my heart literally started beating faster...my body was trying to tell me something! Now, as a woman religious, I made a vow of obedience, which people outside religiious life usually interpret to mean that I do everything my religious superior tells me to do. But our community recognizes that practices of good discernment include listening to the God Within: paying attention to likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, passions, and yes--rapidly beating hearts! In fact, our community founder, Saint Angela Merici, urged us to "above all, obey the counsels and inspirations which the Holy Spirit unceasingly sends into our hearts." At that moment I felt really connected to that 16th Century wise woman...

THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

If you could accomplish just one more thing in your life, what would it be? Is there a particular type of job on your "bucket list?" That's what I asked myself, and I asked a blessing on my pen and journal as I began writing down what I would love to do in my next job. In the transition workshop, we had said a prayer promising that we would always listen to God's voice, "even when it sounds like mine." I interpreted that to mean that God often speaks through the Spirit whispering through my own interests, my own background, my own skill set--my own JOY.

They say that one way to discern the occupation that gives you joy is to picture the type of task you are doing when you lose all track of time; another way is to notice where your feet go in a bookstore. And I reflected on what gave me the most joy in my former careers: designing and teaching ecology, marine biology, and environmental science courses; working as a volunteer water quality monitor for over 25 years; doing nature study; writing and speaking and teaching and learning.

So, feeling a little foolish and presumptuous, I designed my own dream job, and here's what it looked like: it would involve working full time for the welfare of planet Earth and its people; it would benefit the poor in a very concrete way--especially women and children (in keeping with our community focus); and it would involve research and writing. That done, I put my journal aside with a feeling of regret, thinking that at my age (66) and in my circumstances, I could never find a job like that...

What gives you HOPE

There is a line in the Talmud that says "We see things not as they are, but as we are." If this is true, our view of reality at any given moment is colored by many factors. The dominant view among many in our nation, church, and community is that disillusionment is very acute.

Now I am not one to expound on what is wrong with our nation, our Church or our religious community, but I am one who continues to hope. I am inspired by people who continue to seek employment even when jobs are seemingly unavailable. I am touched by families who make sacrifices so that their children might have quality education. I am edified by elderly who get out daily to receive Eucharist despite all the physical aches and heartaches they carry on their heart. I am humbled by a friend who remains passionate about her ministry and love for the Church while running back and forth to the doctor. What give me hope? St. Josephine Bakhita, who survived a horrible life as a slave said it so eloquently. " I am definitely loved and whatever happens to me--I am awaited by this Love."

Look for reasons to hope. Hope keeps me going day by day. What gives you hope? I would love to hear your experiences of hope that you encounter on a daily basis. Please consider sharing them with me. I also invite you to join me in striving to be a bearer of hope in our hurting, dark and expectant world. Let's illuminate wherever we are and as we are with hope!

TRANSITIONS: EASIER SAID THAN DONE

According to a book by an expert on transitions (his name is Bridges, believe it or not!) a transition begins with an ending, which is followed by a neutral zone or void, and ends with a beginning. In the "ending" phase you have to say goodbye to what has gone before, to grieve the losses, and to a certain extent detach yourself from that old self...not easy! But the really hard part comes in the "neutral zone / void," while you float free and wonder who you are and what your new self will be like. Other unemployed people can probably resonate with one or both of these phases.


When I got ready to open myself to a new beginning, I sat down and tried to imagine my next "Great Work." There's a song that goes, "My Great Work is where my great joy intersects with Earth's great need." Earth has so many great needs that I decided it might be easier to begin by focusing on what gives me great joy. It's strange, we don't always ask ourselves what gives us great joy--we often just plod along, doing what we have always done or what we need to do just to survive. I read somethere that an estimated 80% of people don't enjoy their jobs! Can you do a job really well if you don't have at least some liking or passion for it?


Hmmmm, so it should be something that gives me great joy...and I also wanted to take into account a ministerial focus of my religious community,"freeing and nurturing women and children." What's a former biology teacher to do? I'm too young to retire, but am I too old to hire?

STATUS: UNEMPLOYED

After a 33-year career as a college biology professor and/or adminstrator, and a six-year elected position as leader of my religious community, it happened--I joined the ranks of the unemployed. I've never been "between jobs" before, and it made me empathize with the unemployed (of course, sisters are never really unemployed: we are always seeking to do the will of God and furthering the mission of our community...and besides, someone will always find something for us to do)!


But as a newly "unemployed" person, I began to notice things. For example, when someone meets you, the first thing they want to know is what you DO. They don't particularly want to know who you ARE (like, an Ursuline Sister of Maple Mount, Kentucky; a native New Mexican of Irish-Scottish-Austrian descent; a lover of nature, including insects; an incurable optimist...) no, they want to know what you DO. Well! does saying you're "between jobs" make you sound like a loser? So I found myself saying that I was a "former" this or that, which seemed somehow unsatisfactory and even unhealthy. But there I was--no title, no salary--a situation many of us are experiencing these days.

I was lucky; I got to take advantage of a transition program that my community offered me, which gave me the time to think about what I should do next, and to explore this new "self" and what it might have the potential to become. Stay tuned and I'll tell you what I learned about transitions...

A NEW JOURNEY

In the 19th Century, scientists who opened an ancient Egyptian tomb found a seed embedded in a piece of 3,000-year-old wood. Just out of curiosity, they planted it; to everyone's surprise, it sprouted and grew! Like that little seed, all of us have long-lived unexplored potential--roads that we did not travel earlier in life, choices we did not make because of other duties, unfulfilled dreams that may become ripe for achievement only after we have gained certain life experiences, or after our external circumstances change.

What if you were to sit down and write an exact description of what you would like to do next in your life...and then the "ticket" fell right into your lap? That's what happened to me recently. After a life journey that has led me from a small town in northern New Mexico and taken many interesting twists and turns, I've come to a surprising fork in the road--one that leads to East 42nd Street in New York City. I invite you to walk with me for the next four months, to see what we can discover together.